Canada Is a Thief, Kind of

The Olympics are perfect background noise. There are some incredible athletes, excellent events, and definitely beautiful views, but 60-70% it doesn't really GRAB my attention. Exceptions: Hockey, snowboard cross, bobsled, speed skating, curling, raining, snowing, the color green, Canadian bacon, Costas, pine trees, pine nuts, ice, geese, meese, and ice dancing.

So I'm not paying a whole lot of attention. Gotta check out all the weekly pizza offers and facebook group requests from people you never talk to right? Right. Of course I'm paying less attention to the commercials than I am the actual programming. But unlike commercials with average looking girls in pajamas (nice try, EducationConnection.com!), this ad caught my eye:

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I was okay when I found out they had Sarah McLaughlin. And even Michael J. Fox. Steve Nash, well, I already knew he was a lost cause. But when they revealed RYAN REYNOLDS is a Canadian... well, they really hit where it hurts. This is probably the worst news I've heard all year.

Amanda Seyfried... I mean, Okay. But why?

I'm glad that anyone can get their shot in Hollywood. Maybe someday it'll be me. I've always fancied myself a decent mimic, and one day, probably within the next week or two, Seth MacFarlane or some other cartoon mogul will discover me, and I'll go on to make 19% of what real actors make, doing voice overs for animated TV shows that you can only see after 10 PM on Cartoon Network. Ladies and gentlemen, that is my dream in a nutshell. It's not much, but it's mine.

I'm sure Amanda Seyfried told everyone who reads her blog that she wanted to be a movie star, too. And she did it. Lets go through the list: Mean Girls, Mamma Mia, Jessica's Body, Dear John, even Veronica Mars. She's even got the balls to cross Liam Neeson in "Chloe", which I've never heard of but it's got Liam Neeson. Point is, where did she come from? She's in every movie I have no interest in seeing. She's blowing up but I don't know anyone that knows who she is. She plays the "uglier" girl opposite of women like Megan Fox and Lindsay Lohan circa 2004/Lacey Chabert. Even Rachel McAdams looks great compared to her in that movie (and for you Rachel McAdams fans... you're in love with her personality... we ALL are. But she's not the hottest woman in the world). I'm not talking Rachael Leigh Cook in "She's All That" ugly (I'll get back to her in a moment), I'm talking Velma in Scoobie Doo ugly. Okay, overstatement. Velma is a fox. Thing is, Ms. Seyfried is not ugly, nay not even bad, she's just... kind of different, kind of scary. I know I shouldn't be intolerant of things that are different, but I can't help it. She makes me uneasy. And I wish she would go away. But like her love for Channing Tatum, she's here forever.

http://www.selectspecs.com/blog/amanda_seyfried_geeky_glasses/

Now if I could exchange her popularity with anyone else's, it would probably be me. After me, it would be Rachael Leigh Cook. Massively underrated. I don't know if she can act, it's been a while since I've seen Josie and the Pussycats. As a matter of fact, maybe that's why Amanda Seyfried is so popular. Maybe she's a damn decent actress. I wouldn't know (see: "every movie I have no interest in seeing"). But back to the point, I saw her making another appearance one of the best shows on television, Psych, and she was incredible. I mean drop dead. It didn't hurt that James Roday and Dul é Hill are collectively my hero. But only collectively.

http://www.givememyremote.com/remote/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/psych2.jpg

This just in. The movie was actually called Jennifer's Body. Someone please tell me if you actually knew that.

This also just in. ALISON BRIE is soaring into my top 20. Somehow I'm only know finding that Community is a hilarious show (just been overshadowed by, oh, Parks and Rec, The Office, and 30 Rock) and she is a fox. Watch the show.

Ken: Hi, I'm Dr. Ken Jeong. Alison: Hi, Ken I'm a babe.

Win Lose Situation

Win: Me. When you play an eight-game season, every game counts. Team FAT 1 (free agent team #1), a band of misfits of varying levels of talent, skill, athleticism, and assholicism, seemed destined for mediocrity. Each game was a challenge, nay, a struggle. Other teams were faster and stronger, yet we came out on top in every game I played. Yes, I took a few off, but it was all in good judgement. I was fresh for the playoffs. And in those playoffs, we won, and we won again. And we were champions.

Lose: Unfortunately, those playoffs were delayed a months by the blizzard of '09. The four-team tournament was played on January 4th, which I can tell you is no longer "fall". This was falls cold, stupid brother, winter. And if I've ever been more cold I can't tell you when. 35 mph winds and temperatures in the teens are not things that I would associate with warmth. So as you can now see, although I have the hardware to prove I'm a winner, I also have the face, to show I'm a loser.

Happiness? Or pain?

That is a good looking dude.

Old, New, and out of the Blue

Old: Christmas Lights. Honestly, I thought that in delaying this post about a week, I'd be too late to blog about it. But on my way home TODAY, I saw at least a half dozen houses lit like it was still December 25th. What exactly are they waiting for? I'm sorry children, if Santa hasn't come yet, he is not coming. I mean we're halfway to Easter..might as well keep em up 'til then. And if you make it that far it's almost Christmas in July. Hell, then we're back to real Christmas again. That is SOoOOo convenient!!111!

If you assume that the lights have been up since Black Friday when most giddy Christmas decoration enthusiasts put their lights up (and I actually don't mean to sound insulting about that because you're talking to the guy who was lazy and put his lights up... never), then that's... well I'm also too lazy to get a calendar but it has to be at least 150 days ago. It's enough people, let's take the lights down. Or at least not plug them in.

Pardon me for sounding like Andy Rooney on 60 minutes, but another thing thats getting old is the "that's why the terrorists hate us" joke. If you've never heard, it's basically the line you say after someone makes a comment about how absurd Americans are. It was kind of funny the first time, but it's just overused now. Plus, I am proud that American families love buying bulk toilet paper and 5 gallon jars of mayonnaise at Costco.

New: The word, "ladywood".

In a sentence:
Marshall: "You think she was into me?"
Ted: "Full on lady-wood."
It's about time there was a word for a girlboner.

Out of the blue: I just put this in the title to make it rhyme.

Mike Krzyzewski Has Never Seen the Movie "Glory Road"

I just realized I can't watch Duke play basketball. My TV doesn't have a pale enough white to accurately display the skin tones of 4/5 of their starting lineup, and what I'm pretty sure is their entire bench. This is the whitest team I've seen in ages. I cannot look at Kyle Singler. Coach K, let these kids out of the gym. They need the sunlight.

Disclaimer: The words of this post shall not be construed as racist. 'Cause I am half white.

The Holidays

Gift Bags = Lazy Wrapping Paper

Egg nog is still not very good.

Thank you.

Clean Up After Yourself

I write to you from a plane. I think i've told everyone how awesome Virgin America is because they have wifi on their planes. And since they're giving it away for free, it's even more awesome. Except for the fact that I may miss my connecting flight because the plane took off an hour late (we'll have to see how that one turns out).

I'm going to let you in on a personal mindset of mine, that I've only recently realized I harbor. I like access. What kind? I'm not talking about internet access, although it is nice to be able to waste every moment of free time I have. I'm talking about access to a restroom. It's not like I have to go all the time or anything, but I like to be able to go if nature calls. It's why I'm sitting in an aisle seat right now. I don't have to do that awkward half-bent, half-squat scoot and shimmy past everyone in the row to get to my destination when I want to.

That's just some background, however, and you've probably learned more about me than you need to know. The point is, I get to the lavatory and walk in and theres trash everywhere and someone obviously has poor aim. I can be lazy and not clean it up, as it wasn't my mess in the first place, but then you KNOW the next guy or girl who goes in there is gonna look at you like you're a serial killer for the rest of the trip. So I HAVE to clean it up. I'm not paid to clean bathrooms (anymore). This is ridiculous. Clean up after yourself.