Livin' in America

I'm back from Mexico.

Fun time: Affirmative

49 new e-mails: Affirmative

Swine Flu: Unknown.


More information to come.

The Top of the Food Chain

Humans are not the dominant species on the earth. There is an ever-growing threat. It is... the insects. I don't know which ones exactly, but they have been viciously attacking me, in some kind of organized effort to hurt, or most likely, kill me. I have a nice new job set up, landscaping for my housemate/mom, and these things do not let up. And they've evolved. I've tried at least three different types of bug spray to no avail. These things are relentless. I'm afraid to go outside. There are all different kinds even. When's the last time you've seen a slug? I saw like, 15 all posted up under a piece of wood. They are gross. And they are liars. While they appear slower than slow itself, believe me, they are lightning fast. While the gnats and other flying mini-develspawn bite the hell of out me, a slug appeared, just appeared, on my hand. Teleportation, maybe. Anyway, it gooed all over me before I (gently) threw it very, very far away from myself. Goo is an undesirable hand lotion, so I went to the bathroom to wash it off and absolutely nothing happened to it. I had to scrape it with sandpaper (lie, paper towel) before it would come off. I have bites all over my legs, and I don't want them. You can have them. I'm telling you, watch out for the insects.

Are slugs insects?

Funky Jam of the Week #01

"Polite Dance Song" by The Bird and the Bee

This segment is pretty self explanatory. The video is made in the "train wreck" style, i.e. so bad you can't stop watching. Unfortunately I can't embed it here, so you're just gonna have to make the extra effort to click the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI3g9RaVkdY

The Things You Can Find!

I've been trying to clean my room for many days now. Weeks even. I've finally broken into the boxes full of paper product that were tucked away in my closet, and what do I find but tokens from my more creative and carefree past. This stuff ranges from elementary to high school, so get ready for a nice peek into Andy's childhood.

-Woodrow Wilson Biography (one and a half pages, single spaced..okay, handwritten)
Fun Fact: Mr. President's dad's middle name was "Ruggles". Sounds pretty false. Must have been using wikipedia (if it existed back then).

-Several unsent "thank you" letters from my high school graduation party. Did I run of stamps? Were these friends homeless and therefore addressless? Am I a forgetful a-hole? No. No. Probably. Just solved the mystery. (Apologies to the Dolans, Jeanette, Nelson, and Ally)

-The first and last edition of "The ANDY TIMES" newspaper.
Fun Quote: "A NEW SEASON - by Andy. Andy Smith is starting a new season of soccer. He has 5 players from his last team. The jersey color is green." Might as well just hand me the Pulitzer now.

-Penny Hardaway Folder and Grant Hill notebook. Kewl!!1!

-One (1) game of MASH. I will live in an apartment with my wife Carissa Schmidt. I will drive a Hyundai (spelled almost correctly as Hundyai) because even back then I was environmentallyAND financially conscious. I will have a pet dog. My job? Athlete (unspecified) of course, living in Paris and making a whopping 999 million dollar (or maybe Euro?) salary. This must be why I bought a Hyundai. I will have 3 kids and my honeymoon will be to Compton, California. Can't wait for my predetermined life to start!

Muse + Pitch Change = No Doubt

Gotta credit Amebox for this one. Amy's Credits: 1.

So one of my favourite bands is Muse from England. They were the first to sell out the new Wembley in London. They will be opening for U2 at UVA in the fall. They will rock your face and any other unprotected body part off. That being said, the lead singer Matthew Bellamy does get pretttty high on some of his notes. Turns out, if you increase the pitch by 20%, he sounds perty similar to Gwen Stefani. Listen for yourself below.



By the way, this is one of their slower songs, because even rock stars need slow jams to get women.

These 5 Guys Want to Be Your Girlfriend

Hahahahahahaha

Last Minute Movie Thoughts

Not sure how every post has ended up about movies, since I usually go to about 3-4 flicks per annum, but I forgot a few films that caught my eye.

The Hangover - Strangely enough, no, this isn't a movie about me the morning after Mike and Elyse's wedding. But it should be a good one with Sack Lodge as the lead. I don't even know the guy's real name, but he was good as an asshole in Wedding Crashers.

Side Note: Weddings.

I think it would be in the general public's better interest for someone I'm friends with to have a wedding pretty much every weekend from here on out. Maybe even two a weekend. These things are incredible. You get a good cry in at the ceremony, then you dance your pants off at the reception. Throw in about a tablespoon of awkward conversation with old people you've never and bam, one hell of a party. Seriously though, when's the next one?

Year One - How did I forget this one. I'm gonna go ahead and say this will be good. Which is going out on a limb considering what Jack Black has been up to lately. Pretty forgettable in Tropic Thunder, but maybe that was the movie's fault. I saw it for free though so I can't hold a grudge. Some dudes I like a lot (what?): Michael Cera, David Cross, Hank Azaria. Buying tickets yesterday for this one.

I have the memory of a goldfish, so I've already forgotten another movie I was going to talk about in the time it took me to write this post. Whatever, the blog will still be here when they come out.

Annnd scene.