The Holidays

Gift Bags = Lazy Wrapping Paper

Egg nog is still not very good.

Thank you.

Clean Up After Yourself

I write to you from a plane. I think i've told everyone how awesome Virgin America is because they have wifi on their planes. And since they're giving it away for free, it's even more awesome. Except for the fact that I may miss my connecting flight because the plane took off an hour late (we'll have to see how that one turns out).

I'm going to let you in on a personal mindset of mine, that I've only recently realized I harbor. I like access. What kind? I'm not talking about internet access, although it is nice to be able to waste every moment of free time I have. I'm talking about access to a restroom. It's not like I have to go all the time or anything, but I like to be able to go if nature calls. It's why I'm sitting in an aisle seat right now. I don't have to do that awkward half-bent, half-squat scoot and shimmy past everyone in the row to get to my destination when I want to.

That's just some background, however, and you've probably learned more about me than you need to know. The point is, I get to the lavatory and walk in and theres trash everywhere and someone obviously has poor aim. I can be lazy and not clean it up, as it wasn't my mess in the first place, but then you KNOW the next guy or girl who goes in there is gonna look at you like you're a serial killer for the rest of the trip. So I HAVE to clean it up. I'm not paid to clean bathrooms (anymore). This is ridiculous. Clean up after yourself.

The 90's Were Awkward

I was in Las Vegas listening to the radio, and I heard "It Feels So Good" by Sonique. You remember that 90's techno classic, probably got heavy play on Z 104 (act like you didn't just get nostalgic). Anyway, wasn't sure at the time who actually sang the song, and well, I'm okay with that. I thought it might be that song the worst looking Spice Girl came out with after they broke up. So I got curious, and I was right. Here's what I found:



Seriously, they couldn't get her a better wardrobe? Is she allergic to jeans and form fitting pants? That fast-motion cloud sequence really brought me back. I'm glad I was young and impressionable when the 90's rolled through. I hope there aren't any lasting effects. It's embarrassing. The 90's were the middle school of decades.

In all fairness, this guy is guilty, the song is awesome.

Oh, Deer

I hate driving down Route 17 South.

I've only done it twice counting today, but I have good reason to hate it.

First, it's where I got my ticket back when I was in high school for going 82 in a 55 mph zone. Well, it was more like... 90's, but who's counting? I was momentarily an idiot, and the day was so traumatizing that I now try to keep my speed at only about 15 over the limit.

Second, it goes to Virginia beach.

But really, anyone will tell you thats a dumb way to get from Northern Virginia down to the Hampton Roads area. While "Middlesex County" may sound more intriguing than Before or Aftersex Counties, it's full of cops waiting to pull you over. The first time I drove 17 I thought I'd be beating 95 traffic and didn't know better. This time I was coming from my Dad's in southern Maryland on 301 and I mistakenly followed a sign that said "Newport News, this way!" and ended up on 17. Remember--the trauma--so I almost turned around immediately after I realized my folly. But I decided to face my fear and carried on.

I set the cruise control at 1 mph above the speed limit on my trusty rented Dodge Ram to ensure nothing could go wrong. Both feet up on the dash and hands behind my head, I continued driving to the hotel room I currently live in. But this is 17, it doesn't leave you alone. It was getting dark, and since no one else was on the road, the shape I saw in the road seemed mysterious. Well, the mystery was quickly over, as I realized it was a dumb stupid deer probably trying to eat asphalt about 50 feet ahead of the truck's oversized grill. I hit the breaks and the horn simultaneously, and my luggage/clothes hangers/face lunged forward. Luckily, the dumb stupid deer got out of the way, because like my American Indian ancestors, I believe in using all parts of any animal I kill, and I certainly was not going to ruin the Five Guys I was planning on having for dinner. Naw but seriously, I'm not trying to kill a baby deer and I'm glad that everybody made it out alright, although it does give new meaning to "deer in headlights" for me personally.

All in all, I consider evading wildlife and not getting pulled over as counting for two points, so I'm beating Rt. 17 2-1. Hopefully, the game is over.

Seriously though

I really dig Panera. The chocolate croissants are BOOOMB==+_=-

And I just saw the came out with the new Macbook that comes with the same "7 hour" battery as the Pro I just got. Could have saved me $300...

I'm pissed at Mac again.

Panera > Barnes and Noble > Hotel. Mac's are okay, too.

In terms of internet, that is. I happen to be in a Panera right now, and it happens to be the only place where I have consistently gotten internet access on my few weeks of travel so far. B&N was good for coffee and the "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" book that I purchased, but the internet was poop. Beautiful Hampton only has so much to offer, I need my internet dosage daily. And now that I have a new internet-machine to play with, reliable access has become all the more important.

Alright, I'll admit it. Mac's are cool. They really are. I ordered one a couple weeks ago and it finally arrived last week. I watched from a window all Friday afternoon, looking for the Fedex man to bring my package which was making its way around the world from its birthplace in China. I was so excited, I ran upstairs when I saw the truck turn around the corner, to pretend I hadn't been waiting and watching. The doorbell rang, I paused for a few seconds to better mimic that "Oh! The doorbell" reaction time, and then casually and carefully walked down the steps, as not to fall and knock myself out, which would prevent me from signing the digital pad.

I wanted to hate them. I prided myself on not surfing the Mac wave, citing the fact that many of my friends who swear by them have replaced them a couple times. I thought they were looking at Mac's with some kind of undue admiration, with a veil hiding the problems that Mac's really encounter. Maybe I was jealous, jealous of the glowing apple insignia on the front of many computers in a... well a Panera for one. That apple mocked me. Now it is my computer that is doing the mocking. But that's not what it's about, is it? Its about speed, ease, battery life, and sexy one-piece aluminum casing. It really is beautiful, and I have so much speed that I've run out of Internets to look at. Not a bad thing, people. I also have this thing called a.. a webcam? I've probably spent too much time attempting to video chat anyone who shows up with a little camera next to their name. Just wait until this thing becomes a video blog.

Anyway, the thing has been working go so far. I still don't consider myself Justin Long, and you'll hear from me if this thing starts to suck, but for now keep on sendin' the iChat invites.

PS: I swear I heard gunshots the other night. Better than C-ville I suppose, where I KNOW I heard gunshots. That was a good night, eh boys?

Currently Overplayed on My iPod

1. 11th Dimension - Julian Casablancas (of the Strokes)



2. Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear (although the video kind of creeps me out)



3. Animal - Miike Snow

The Suite Life of Andy Smith

Hanging out in my hotel room at the SpringHill Suites in Hampton, VA. Very nice establishment. Poor, poor internet though. It took a phone call to what I'm sure is some part of India (Bangalore?) and some patience to get this far, and I'm pretty sure gchat still doesn't function. Fail.

Anyhoo, I thought I could take this time while I'm travelling for business (as I will be for the next six weeks on Monday-Thursday--four day weeks plus overtime? I can deal) to go over some of the "highlights" of my trip last week.

I woke up at a nice, ripe 4:45 A.M. to drive to Just-the-tip, VA... a hair short of the fine state of West Virginia. On the way I hit up Scotland's finest, McDonalds, for a company-paid breakfast. Great, except that aparently 5:30 is too early to order inside the store, and I waited for 10 minutes, and finally received my food and a soda cup to put coffee in. Hot coffee through a straw, I'm telling you it'll be the next thing to catch on. If you'd like to burn a hole in your throat.

Driving in circles was as good as ever. That's essentially what I did for two hours straight, and what I would continue to do for two more times that day, and three times a day for two more days. It's boring but I get paid... AND I get to travel to wonderful places. This particular place consisted of three stop lights, two of which were to on-ramps to I-81. Oh, and a truck stop. Can't forget the "Flying J" that I frequented for bathroom breaks. Sounds more like a complicated lovemaking technique than a gas station, but who am I to judge.

One excellent part of this Flying J was the high number of quality RV's that populated the oversized parking lot. Phaeton, Allegro Bay, Teton Homes, and may favorite the Dutch Star. Did I mention this was boring? I was so bored I wanted to take up smoking JUST to have something to do. Plus my rental car smelled like it already. Fail.

After I was done up there, I drove down to my next destination, a little hotel you may have heard of... the Comfort Inn in Harrisonburg. After all the driving I needed to get the blood moving so I went down to the fitness center. I guess "center" means "smaller than the room you're staying in" because there was literally a treadmill, a TV, and a stairmaster. And the treadmill was taken. Watching TV is perhaps not the best way to excercise, so I jumped up on that stairmaster and climbed away. I don't know what was funnier: the guy powerwalking on the treadmill with his laptop in hand listening to 90's japanese pop music, or the fact that I was jammin to the beats. That's a lie, the guy was definitely funnier.

Next day I got back to work in Timberville, about 20 minutes north of JMU. Let me tell you, I would love to wake up to the crisp, fresh farm air of Timberville Everday. Who doesn't love a town that smells like dogfood. I will never look at a chicken sandwich the same way.

Just when I thought it had to get better, the next day I drove to Dayton just south of JMU, which believe it or not, smelled even worse! Perhaps it was due to the chicken processing plant directly on the road I had to drive back and forth on for 6 hours that day. Thank you, Cargill.

While I wasn't jealous of the smell that sometimes infiltrates Harrisonburg, I was jealous of the new development at that school. The the downtown is gettin better and the new library is cooler than any one at UVA (besides Alderman, of course). Stuff just lookin good around there. Especially the large number yellow JMU license plates, which help the large number of New Jersey license plates fit in.

That's about all I have from two weeks ago, but I'm sure I'll have more stories about the weeks to come. I am jumping into sewage lines after all.

Muse Has Let Me Down. Wait, who is Muse?

Two issues here. First, I feel like there just isn't enough Muse talk out there. U2 is coming to Charlottesville this week, and it seems like many don't even know that Muse is opening for them, let alone that they're a huge band in their own right. A lot of people just don't know who they are. Well, here's a short, possibly inaccurate bio:

Rock band from England. Home of Bangers and Mash, Wayne Rooney, interesting if not excellent humor, and Doctor Who.

Three guys, with Matthew Bellamy, the frontman. Mr. Bellamy is known to hit a high note every once in a while, and spits mean vibrato.

Many of their songs have what I would describe as an epic, spacey feel to them. It's not that they've got a symphony orchestra (ha, I'll get back to this) in the background of every song, its just sounds like you're on an adventure when you listen to them.

They were the first performance in the new Wembley Stadium in London [citation needed] and they sold that whole big-ass place out [citation needed].

They rock pretty hard.

They may not be your style, but I like 'em. But they're massive across the pond, and they're comin' here. They also have a new album and that's really why I'm writing this.

So Muse comes out with "The Resistance"...last Tuesday I guess it was. I'm excited. I'm cheering. I'm in a Panera. (I was away from home for work, and had to hit up that free wi-fi to download the thing off iTunes. ) This was the first mistake. Always buy the CD if you're gonna get the whole thing. If anything its nice to know you'll have something when your computer blows up. Yes, even your Mac will blow up on you.

Without sampling any of the songs, I buy this thing because it has an average rating of 5 out of 5 stars on iTunes and all the reviews are good. I've heard a couple of the songs on the radio, Uprising and United States of Eurasia, and they sound alright. And I like Muse. And its NEW muse. That should be reason enough. It's like an early Christmas present for me. Or late birthday. Graduation? Whatever, pick your fancy.

I have a lot of time on my hands (I drove in circles for about 1000 miles two weeks ago) so I listen to the whole thing at once. I'm puzzled. I listen to a few songs over again. Yep, that's what I heard the first time. It's at this point it really hits me that I'm really underwhelmed. It's not that the album fell short of expectation, it just went in a completely different direction than I thought it would. I haven't heard all of their albums, but they are one of my "favourite" bands and I think I have a good idea what their sound is. I really wasn't ready for this. It's like all the songs are someone else's with a little Muse added in. I hear Goldfrapp, Depeche Mode, Queen, Doctor Who Theme Song, even a little essence of an 80's-90's movie love song... yeah.. joint could be in Top Gun or something. The last three songs could be in a movie score. It's not that its bad, and I've got a few favorites after trying to force myself to like it ("Undisclosed Desires" could be one, but I don't think there are even any real drums in it), but I just.. I just don't know.

That being said, I want to go to the concert. Please donate a ticket. Seriously.

(Here's Uprising off the new album)

Move Over Bud Light Lime

If you're not a big fan of Bud Light, you might as well stop reading this post right now. Normally, if I happened to be reading a blog that gave this nugget of advice, I would indeed stop reading and waste my time somewhere else. Well, actually, lets face it, if you're reading this you've run out of other places to waste time. Anyway, recent information has lead me to believe that I will be jumping on the Budweiser Bandwagon very soon.



So I'm watching some Sunday afternoon football with Jesse, and a commercial comes on that catches my eye. It's for Bud Light Golden Wheat. What is Bud Light Golden Wheat you ask? Well, I have no idea. But I am about as excited as a keg in a Kroger on a Friday night. As a fan of wheat beer (meaning German-style like Widmer or a Hefeweizen, not Belgian-style like Shock Top or Blue Moon), this could open up a new opportunity for tasty (good) yet cheap (even gooder) Thurday, Friday, and Saturday evenings. And Sunday afternoons. And possibly Tuesdays by myself in my room. Apparently the "beer will use unfiltered wheat so it will look cloudier than its Bud Light counterpart and will have orange and coriander, also known as cilantro, as ingredients to give it a bigger, sweeter taste" (Bizjournals.com). I was under the impression cilantro was...well, cilantro. The green crap that tastes like pretty much nothing and is thrown all over Mexican food like sprinkles. And I don't know what the hell oranges are doing in there. Sounds like this thing might already be going in the wrong direction, but I can't help but get excited anyway. Let's hope the former American King of Beers does this one right.

Also, those Bud Light cans in school colors are kind of badass.

Livin' in America

I'm back from Mexico.

Fun time: Affirmative

49 new e-mails: Affirmative

Swine Flu: Unknown.


More information to come.

The Top of the Food Chain

Humans are not the dominant species on the earth. There is an ever-growing threat. It is... the insects. I don't know which ones exactly, but they have been viciously attacking me, in some kind of organized effort to hurt, or most likely, kill me. I have a nice new job set up, landscaping for my housemate/mom, and these things do not let up. And they've evolved. I've tried at least three different types of bug spray to no avail. These things are relentless. I'm afraid to go outside. There are all different kinds even. When's the last time you've seen a slug? I saw like, 15 all posted up under a piece of wood. They are gross. And they are liars. While they appear slower than slow itself, believe me, they are lightning fast. While the gnats and other flying mini-develspawn bite the hell of out me, a slug appeared, just appeared, on my hand. Teleportation, maybe. Anyway, it gooed all over me before I (gently) threw it very, very far away from myself. Goo is an undesirable hand lotion, so I went to the bathroom to wash it off and absolutely nothing happened to it. I had to scrape it with sandpaper (lie, paper towel) before it would come off. I have bites all over my legs, and I don't want them. You can have them. I'm telling you, watch out for the insects.

Are slugs insects?

Funky Jam of the Week #01

"Polite Dance Song" by The Bird and the Bee

This segment is pretty self explanatory. The video is made in the "train wreck" style, i.e. so bad you can't stop watching. Unfortunately I can't embed it here, so you're just gonna have to make the extra effort to click the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI3g9RaVkdY

The Things You Can Find!

I've been trying to clean my room for many days now. Weeks even. I've finally broken into the boxes full of paper product that were tucked away in my closet, and what do I find but tokens from my more creative and carefree past. This stuff ranges from elementary to high school, so get ready for a nice peek into Andy's childhood.

-Woodrow Wilson Biography (one and a half pages, single spaced..okay, handwritten)
Fun Fact: Mr. President's dad's middle name was "Ruggles". Sounds pretty false. Must have been using wikipedia (if it existed back then).

-Several unsent "thank you" letters from my high school graduation party. Did I run of stamps? Were these friends homeless and therefore addressless? Am I a forgetful a-hole? No. No. Probably. Just solved the mystery. (Apologies to the Dolans, Jeanette, Nelson, and Ally)

-The first and last edition of "The ANDY TIMES" newspaper.
Fun Quote: "A NEW SEASON - by Andy. Andy Smith is starting a new season of soccer. He has 5 players from his last team. The jersey color is green." Might as well just hand me the Pulitzer now.

-Penny Hardaway Folder and Grant Hill notebook. Kewl!!1!

-One (1) game of MASH. I will live in an apartment with my wife Carissa Schmidt. I will drive a Hyundai (spelled almost correctly as Hundyai) because even back then I was environmentallyAND financially conscious. I will have a pet dog. My job? Athlete (unspecified) of course, living in Paris and making a whopping 999 million dollar (or maybe Euro?) salary. This must be why I bought a Hyundai. I will have 3 kids and my honeymoon will be to Compton, California. Can't wait for my predetermined life to start!

Muse + Pitch Change = No Doubt

Gotta credit Amebox for this one. Amy's Credits: 1.

So one of my favourite bands is Muse from England. They were the first to sell out the new Wembley in London. They will be opening for U2 at UVA in the fall. They will rock your face and any other unprotected body part off. That being said, the lead singer Matthew Bellamy does get pretttty high on some of his notes. Turns out, if you increase the pitch by 20%, he sounds perty similar to Gwen Stefani. Listen for yourself below.



By the way, this is one of their slower songs, because even rock stars need slow jams to get women.

These 5 Guys Want to Be Your Girlfriend

Hahahahahahaha

Last Minute Movie Thoughts

Not sure how every post has ended up about movies, since I usually go to about 3-4 flicks per annum, but I forgot a few films that caught my eye.

The Hangover - Strangely enough, no, this isn't a movie about me the morning after Mike and Elyse's wedding. But it should be a good one with Sack Lodge as the lead. I don't even know the guy's real name, but he was good as an asshole in Wedding Crashers.

Side Note: Weddings.

I think it would be in the general public's better interest for someone I'm friends with to have a wedding pretty much every weekend from here on out. Maybe even two a weekend. These things are incredible. You get a good cry in at the ceremony, then you dance your pants off at the reception. Throw in about a tablespoon of awkward conversation with old people you've never and bam, one hell of a party. Seriously though, when's the next one?

Year One - How did I forget this one. I'm gonna go ahead and say this will be good. Which is going out on a limb considering what Jack Black has been up to lately. Pretty forgettable in Tropic Thunder, but maybe that was the movie's fault. I saw it for free though so I can't hold a grudge. Some dudes I like a lot (what?): Michael Cera, David Cross, Hank Azaria. Buying tickets yesterday for this one.

I have the memory of a goldfish, so I've already forgotten another movie I was going to talk about in the time it took me to write this post. Whatever, the blog will still be here when they come out.

Annnd scene.

The Rest of the Summer Movies

Now that I've got the Wolverine stuff out of my system, lets see what else we have coming this summer, which I predict will be an epic one like '93 or '96.

Star Trek - Already seen this one, and despite vast and embarassing experience in the Star Trek world, I believe I can remain unbiased and claim this is probably going to end up one of the best movies of the summer. Five star cast, stunning visuals, and pretty damn decent musical score. Appeals to nerds and regular people. I'd give it a 8.85/10.

Terminator Again - I was really pumped to see this one, but it dissapointed. The middle was pretty slow, and the plot was lacking. Acting was good, Anton Yelchin (Kyle Reese) and Sam Worthington (Marcus Wright) are gonna get big. And who doesn't love a robot with a headband, presumably for all that sweat they produce. I wish they kept the Christian Bale blow up in the movie though, that was pretty entertaining.



"Up" - Is the little fat kid white or Asian? It's pretty obvious, he's Asian. Sorry if you disagree Cho, but the character "Russell" is played by a small, simigly Asian boy named Jordan Nagai. Facts are facts. Actually probably not gonna see this one in theaters, but I thought I would destroy the ongoing controversy.



Transformers Deux - Will be better than the first one. From what I can tell, we'll actually get to see the bots fight each other. Explosion. Explosion. Megan Fox. Explosion. Sounds like a recipe for $150 million. They'll get my money. I just hope talented actor and close personal friend, John Turterror, isn't such a clown in this one.

Harry Potter/Hermione Granger 6 - Magic, mischeif, and Emma Watson. Need I say more?

That's all I can remember that's coming out, but if there's something else I should be looking forward to let me know.

Huge Ackman: X-Men Origins

This move is the reason I started a blog. Wolverine was a terrible, terrible movie. Not even my unhealthy fondness of Ryan Reynolds can help this movie. And that's all I have to say about that.